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Armed only with a laptop, 8 contestants will go toe-to-toe against each other in a standard ladder tournament to see who can inflict the most pain. The winner gets nothing, except possibly some hot action from someone in the audience who is stupid enough to think that winning this pointless tournament is sexy. Drinking, fighting the other combatants, shittalking, and bribing the handsome judges is encouraged. Playing anything other than fist-pounding speedcore or breakcore, playing someone else's tracks, and getting pissed when no one likes your tracks are grounds for dismissal. The rules are pretty simple. Only original, crappy material is allowed and combatants can only use laptops or desktop computers [no gear, no turntables, no cd mixers, no traditional instruments]. Combatants can't use existing material from other artists. Likewise, combatants should not bother to bring their well-produced techno, drum n bass, idm, trance, house or anything with a lush melody: doing so will only result in the plug being pulled and the combatant being tossed. Although any amount of material can be prepared beforehand, combatants are encouraged to create as much material on the spot as possible. Judge's decisions are final: there is no way to challenge a score or ruling. When it is their turn, each combatant will have 15 minutes to crush skulls. There are 8 combatants in the first round, then 4 go on the second round, and only 2 make it to the final round, so even though they may not make it to the second or final rounds, each combatant should be prepared to play 45 minutes of material. There is no set criteria the judges will use to determine winners [mainly because they'll just be making it up as they go along]. This is happening at Andy Bradford's house on the southside of Pittsburgh, PA. Mapquest knows what's up.
MAY 3, 2004: The Results are In |
